I’m reading the book Non-Violent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg and it is eye opening. I have not had a strong background in communication, let alone positive communication. Because of my family situation, I grew up keeping things to myself and never learned how to communicate with others. As I became a teenager and young adult, this carried with me and I struggled in my relationships to be open and real, to truly share my thoughts and feelings and to hear and understand others. I became aware of this before I got married and did all I knew to change this about myself. I did become more open and sought to really try to understand those around me. But since becoming a mom, my heart has been opened in ways I never could of imagined. Not only do I want to be real, transparent, empathetic and compassionate with my son, but also to my husband, family, friends and even strangers. Thus, my journey into non-violent communication is beginning. And I emphasize beginning!
As I’m reading through this book I will be sharing excerpts from it but also my thoughts, discoveries and experiences.
Most of us have been educated from birth to compete, judge, demand, and diagnose – to think and communicate in terms of what is “right” and “wrong” with people. At best, communicating and thinking this way can create misunderstanding and frustration. And still worse, it can lead to anger, depression, and even emotional or physical violence.
So what exactly is non-violent communication (NVC)?
- Violence can be both physical, where force is used. And passive, where the effects are more emotional.
Non-violence means allowing the positive within you to emerge. Be dominated by love, respect, understanding, appreciation, compassion and concern for others rather than the self-centered and selfish, greedy, hateful, prejudiced, suspicious, and aggressive attitudes that dominate our thinking.
NVC guides us in reframing how we express ourselves and hear others. Instead of habitual, automatic reactions, our words become conscious responses based on awareness of what we are perceiving, feeling and wanting. When we focus on clarifying what is being observed, felt, and needed rather than on diagnosing and judging, we discover the depth of our own compassion.
In the short time that I have been reading this book, I have become so aware of how I do not know how to express my feelings, needs or wants to others, like my hubby and even more so, how often I judge, generalize and do not fully know what the other person is feeling, needing or wanting. The encouraging thing is that in the short time I’ve been reading this book and starting to practice NVC, I have seen the benefits of it in my closest relationships. I’m pretty excited to keep reading, learning and practicing.
Next up I’ll be sharing the components of NVC.
